so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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