I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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