im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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