Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
