It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
