I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
