He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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