Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat