Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.