i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time