You surviving the open bar?
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My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..