I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.