I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.