I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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