Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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