..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
