i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
