Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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