I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
