based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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