Porn is love you can see.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
