I just pynch a tree in the face
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
