i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
