Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
