dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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