you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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