yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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