I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
