fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
