Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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