So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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