We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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