he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it fun? or sober?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize