Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
