I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize