I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
