we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
