the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
