You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
