in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just threw up on my dentist
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
