WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
