"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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