is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
