the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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