just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
