So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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