my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
