Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
