I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sext me about skeletons
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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