my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
