Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love having hate sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
