her vagine was all disorganized.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
