Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
