I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
