take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
