I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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