Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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