I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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