watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
