im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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